Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize