i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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