I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
