New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize