I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
