I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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