I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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