So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
