I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
