Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
