I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
