you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
