If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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