Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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