Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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