Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize