We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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