How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
