there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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