Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
