My friends, they love my intelligence
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
