You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
