It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
