plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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