I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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