i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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