all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
