i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We have so much sex to catch up on
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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