God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
