The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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