party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
