youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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