At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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