She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
