So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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