apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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