im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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