I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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