WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
