Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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