Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
