Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize