Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
