well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she smelled like a LAN party
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
