there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
