Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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