i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
