I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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