i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize