I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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