that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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