You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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