Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
