i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and she was petting her beer can
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
