sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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