god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
