i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
