I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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