and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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