im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
