woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
