Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
