It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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