he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
