worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
