she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
