I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
