This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize