just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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