i just wanna soil my oats bro
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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