Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Randomize
