she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
