We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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