Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
