I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
