why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
