Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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