Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
