nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
