Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize