I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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