he wants to bone in the snuggie
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
