Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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