So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
