He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
