His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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