I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
