If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
