If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
