____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
