Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
