Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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