...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
