marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize