How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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