I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
