Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
