I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
either way he was missing a nipple.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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