Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
