Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
