i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh god it's open bar.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
