that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
