I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
